Vacation
by Jasmine Dragon
Summary: Zuko wishes that all the Mary Sues would just go on Vacation.


**Disclaimer: Don't own avatar or (thankfully) any Mary Sues.**

**Vacation**

Zuko had his knees crossed, and his palms rested on his knees, his first two fingers making contact with his thumb. His eyes were closed in meditation, his back upright, his head held high, thinking about his latest decision in life, when he felt it.

A subtle shiver ran down his back, and, seconds later, he was engulfed by an icy breeze. Trying in vain to delay the inevitable, he held on to the bare floor, tying to hold on to something, _anything_, to keep him from slipping into the World of FanFiction.

The butterflies in his stomach indicated that he was slipping away from reality. He kept his eyes squeezed shut as his body and actions went into control of whoever was writing about him. Oh, _why _did he have to have so many "fans"?

Then, as suddenly as the sensation began, it stopped, and Zuko felt himself lying on soft grass, with a breeze licking his face, hearing some far off leaves rustling in the distance, and the scent of rain filled his nostrils.

Zuko cracked an eyelid to confirm his suspicions. Yes, just like he thought, he was in the clearing of a forest, and when he looked up, he saw that the clouds had indeed drained themselves of all the moisture they had once possessed. A calm enough setting, so he knew he was sitting in the eye of the storm.

He realized this was true as he saw a big busted girl with long flowing silver hair, and big, round violet eyes come bouncing toward him, out through the trees.

Oh no: another stalker.

_I know a girl who's obsessed with a guy_

_She talks for hours, and still tomorrow, she'll call again._

A beam of light fell on her, and he knew she had started to monologue. As the author went on to describe her Mary Sue, Zuko felt the binding restraints she had on him slip away, and so using this to his advantage, he then carefully proceeded to put as much distance as possible between himself and the freaky looking stalker.

He shook his head. He was starting to fell less like himself already.

What these "girls" did to him.

As he was running for his life away from the Mary Sue (he knew she was one as he had been sucked into a story making fun of them once) the world around him began to spin, the shivers in his back and the butterflies in his stomach returned and he felt the wind whoosh around him again as he got transported back into his room in the palace of Ba Sing Se, the meditation candles still alight, the flames quivering slightly from his sudden arrival.

Thank Agni for short chapters. He almost never saw the same Mary sue again, in a continuation of the story, so he usually met a different Mary Sue each time.

Zuko hoisted himself up, positioning himself in front of the array of candles, attempting to continue his meditation, thinking about these "stories".

Most of them made him get together with the water tribe girl or an original character like the one he just had the misfortune to meet just now.

The things he was forced to do… Zuko shuddered. He was scarred for life – in more than just one way.

And for him, it was scary how he actually saw how it worked between himself and Katara. He also found out about Mai's crush on him. She explained it to him whilst the author was working on some other part of the story. After all that he had been through, he accepted it with maturity, and also because he would have to kiss her whether he liked it or not. The same went for Katara, even though they spent most of these moment giving each other "not again" exasperated looks.

Yes, he had been in _that_ many stories with them, and yes, he was in need of _that _much therapy.

He shook his head. After that latest story, he couldn't meditate at all. He got up thinking maybe he could –

The shivers had returned. Great. This is just what he needed.

_And when he thinks that this could be the end_

_She calls again._

This time he found himself on the back of his ship, his crew surrounding him looking into the eyes of a girl – at least he _thought_ it was a girl – who had sticks for legs, yet a – ahem - a rear end as big as an elephants.

Her waist was as small as that of a scrawny kitten, while her chest was large as one of a six hundred pound sumo wrestler - who had a baby to feed.

Her neck was scrawny, with her collar bone jutting out, and she had fish like lips and huge green eyes, which gave off blue light and orange hair with red tips.

Was that blue light emitting from her eyes the thing that had put him in this trance, staring at the girl like this? No. it was probably the author writing (and thus forcing him to) "Zuko stood back and took in her every gorgeous detail". Yeach. Like he wanted to.

Ad slowly the world around him disappeared, the soldiers melted into nothingness, and the two of them were stuck in a large dark room with nothing but a bed in it.

Yay. More plot holes. He could see where this was going. And so as he was contemplating suicide, noticed the girl's atrocious attire. She wore nothing but a thin rag with no sleeves, which had the lowest neckline he ever had the misfortune to see, and it was so short that it revealed more of her barely existent stomach than he ever wanted to see. She wore a small piece of cloth around her waist, which was apparently meant to be a skirt, but it covered so little that he saw no point of its existence.

Apparently neither did she, as she ripped it off, holding it out for him to take, saying, "it's a micro- mini" in a voice that screamed "I caught you looking at me!"

He felt like screaming "the suethor made me!!"

But that would not only be juvenile, it would also be physically impossible seeing s the suethor forced him to take the rag she called a micro-mini and smell it. Yeach. Where would their disgusting imaginations stop?

Apparently not for a long, long time, as then he was thrown on the bed by the surprisingly powerful girl and stripped of all clothing. Thankfully, the suethor stopped there, sending him back into his bedroom in a flash.

He ended up on his bed and collapsed there and then, naked and tiered, without bothering to pull the covers over himself. Azula was just going to have to live with the trauma when she would come to call him for dinner.

_At six in the morning she waits at his door_

_He tells her to leave but,_

_Still tomorrow she'll be there again_

_She won't let go!_

When he woke up, he wasn't in his room. In fact, he was lying in the same bed that he was forced into the previous night. However, he felt no binding forces. Apparently, the author was too busy going on about something (he didn't want to know what) to bother even mentioning what he was doing.

Good. That meant that he could simple grab his pants and run for his life. And that is exactly what he did. Thankfully, nobody noticed that he was gone as he ran.

That was basically all he did in his free time. Run from hordes of crazed girls. Why couldn't they just leave him alone?

_Can't you just go somewhere on vacation  
I could book your flight and pack your bags if you want  
A one way ticket out of my life  
Watching you fly away  
I never liked you_

He despised the way they never stopped stalking him. Why couldn't they just go about their own business just like he went about his? It was a real relief when he would be put into unique scenarios with people he actually knew, even if they were the avatar and his companions.

True, he hated them, by the actually learnt quite a bit about and from them. He thought over several decisions in his life, and was gradually changing for the better, having less and less to angst about. Then those Mary Sues came along and ruined everything.

_She doesn't care if he tries to ignore  
He runs away but still she follows  
She'll try again  
She likes to think she'll get him in the end  
Yeah…_

He knew they knew that their writing/stories/characters were bad – no, _terrible _– from all of the parodies he had been in, but they still went on and on, persisting that maybe at one point they could create a character that actually blends in, one that is perfect for him. To which he could only think HA. HA.

They didn't seem to know that that character was already in the show. He would prefer Katara, Mai, Toph, Ty Lee, Jin, even Azula! Wait. No. Not Azula, but any of those other girls he listed would be preferred to the sparkly, princessy… _things _that people made up.

_Can't you just go somewhere on vacation  
I could book your flight and pack your bags if you want  
A one way ticket out of my life  
Watching you fly away  
I never liked you, I never wanted you, I never liked you, I never wanted you, I'm not in love with you_

And once again, Zuko got pulled into another fantasy whipped up by some fan, but at least this one involved actual people whom he was familiar with.

Now, what was he being forced to do again? Turn his back on Azula and Ozai, join the avatar and risk the Fire Nation's and Katara's wrath? Piece of cake.

Moral of the story: Every time a Mary Sue is created, Zuko contemplates suicide, Azula gets a little bit more evil, Katara, Mai, Toph, Jin, Ty Lee and every other cannon girl characters (plus Sokka, minus Azula) cry out in anguish, the blue spirit loses some of it's (!shirtless) awesomeness1, Ozai kills a penguin2, Ursa slits her wrists, baby Yue cries3, Iroh hangs his head in shame, Aang loses some of his bending ability and Bumi snorts4. So every time you create a Mary Sue, think of what you're doing to the CANNON characters (and penguins)!

1. Jakia quote

2. Zuko flamethrower PWN j00's quote

3. 2. quote

4. No idea where that came from :S


End file.
